Blessed

Years ago, Kris & I lived in a 1-bedroom apartment with cinder-block walls and neon pink stairs. I carefully budgeted every cent, and we lived on Jiffy cornbread, Hamburger Helper, and canned vegetables. The one old car that we owned broke down (nothing shocking there) and Kris had to ride a bicycle across town lugging a heavy car battery in his backpack. It weighed him down as he pedalled MILES to the nearest auto-parts store, got it fixed, and then pedalled MILES back home to then work for hours in the hot, sticky darkness to fix it. We did what we had to do. I remember being so broke that I watched as a coworker put 50 cents in a Coke machine, and tears welled up in me because we couldn't afford the luxury of two extra quarters to spare on such luxuries as a soft drink. We've gone for months at a time each working multiple jobs and only seeing each other minutes a day.

Lately, Kris & I have been looking at all the blessings in our life and how far we've come...I decided that from time to time I would keep track of everything I have been blessed with, from the monumentally huge ones to the ones that seem little and insignificant. However, it's the seemingly insignificant ones that I think if we could all stop to appreciate would make our lives so much more enriched; we would realize how blessed we all truly are...

***my beautiful sunken living room, with hard-wood floors that my husband did himself

***I can afford cable & that gives me Discovery Channel, TLC, & HGTV

***God gave our family Donna-perfect partner for Dad, couldn't think of a better step-mom for us, and she was BORN to be Nana...

***God gave our family Donna's cooking... :-)

***2 dogs in my backyard that bark anytime anyone comes close to the house, giving me a taken-for-granted sense of security

***my students that inspire me, cheer me, motivate me, keep me going

***I have inlaws that love me and are wonderful grandparents

***the secret stash of chocolate Mrs. Linda keeps for me at work

***I have a washer and dryer in my house and don't have to go to a laundrymat to clean my family's clothes

***the baby clothes that sweet, generous, precious friends give to me

***I have a college degree

***I work right across the hall from one of my best friends

***my girlfriends that I meet with on Thursday nights...what a support system!

***I got to say goodbye to my mom, and she got to say goodbye to me

***Nutella

***I had all 4 grandparents in my life until my thirties, and I have pictures of them with my kids
***my parents taught me how to love God and how to be loved by God as His daughter...something I took for granted until I realized many people have a block when it comes to being able to do this

***I am still best friends with my best friend from high school, and she constantly inspires me

***I own a dishwasher....something that I will never take for granted after living somewhere that didn't have one

***the sweet people who volunteer week after week to take care of my children at church, both in preschool and in the nursery

***2 nice, working vehicles with heat/air conditioning, glass in all the windows, seat warmers, radios/CD players, all working parts...(I saw a family getting into a car last night with a baby...it was SO cold, and they had only Hefty trashbags taped to where the windows should be, and that image has stayed with me)

***the fact that my children are within walking distance from me all day while I'm at work

***there is a Starbucks close to me

***my son has slept through the night, in his own bed, with no problem since he was 8 weeks old
***although my daughter doesn't yet, she's a really sweet snuggler

***I live in a time when disposable diapers have been invented

***the sweet teachers in my ADK chapter

***when my son spilled a bottle of bubbles all over my laptop and completely fried it, I could afford to get another one instead of it being a HUGE disaster

***I understand French

***I am at a job that I miss when I'm away from it for too long

***I have managed to find the absolute best: hair stylist, Tae Kwon Do/kickboxing teacher, house-cleaner, pediatrician, dentist, obgyn, and family doctor

***I can get email on my cell phone...and text messages...and sudoku...and pictures of my family

***the ladies I eat lunch with and work with every day keep me sane

***I have my grandmother's piano, and I can play it for my kids

***The LifeGroup (Sunday School Class for you non-Brookwoodians) that we're in is filled with the most AMAZING people

***I have a closet full of clothes...so do my kids and my husband

***my church that loves everyone and accepts no compromise on preaching the gospel, while at the same time refuses to be stuck in the rut of tradition

***I have a fireplace

***my son LOVES his preschool teacher, and she loves him back

***I know how to play the flute

***I have an espresso machine, and a husband that can make REALLY good cappucino for me in the mornings...or at night when we curl up together on the couch...

***I know how to cling to my faith when all else fails me...and I've had that tested and proven true

***I teach at a school where I don't have to worry about IEPs, 504, standards/benchmarks, Madelyn Hunter lesson plans, or the government's paperwork

***my 2 sisters that are my best friends, share my sense of humor, understand the importance I place on my faith, and are the only ones in my life that understand exactly what I've lost in life by not having my mom anymore

***my niece that is SO beautiful, SO smart, SO sweet, SO talented, and looooves her aunt...
***a healthy, beautiful, hilarious son that is sharp as a whip, sleeps through the night, loves fruit and veggies more than fried foods, opens up his heart to his mommy, idolizes his daddy, and is the sweetest big brother I've ever seen

***a healthy, beautiful, super-happy daughter that barely ever cries, smiles through anything, snuggles whenever given the chance, is showing her genius by already talking, and already knows how to bat her long, dark eyelashes at her daddy

***a husband who loves God more than his wife, his children, or anything else; who puts his family first above everything else in this world; who takes the trash out, does the laundry, does the dishes, cooks, takes his son to school every morning, sends me texts that he loves me, makes me laugh like no one else, holds me when I need it, lets me go when I need it, knows how to apologize and how to forgive, and feels keenly his responsibility as a spiritual leader

***my relationship with God, which I would not give up for all of the blessings listed above; how could I survive without it?

I AM TRULY BLESSED!!!

Alahn

Eight years ago, my sister, Jennifer, gave birth to a baby girl that was in EVERY way perfect, beautifully gorgeous, and more than any of us could ever have asked for. From the second Jen told me she was pregnant I was head-over-heels in love with this baby girl. I was in the delivery room when she was born, and it was one of the most emotional days of my life. The night after she was brought home, her mom called me to come babysit so the exhausted parents could leave the house for an hour or two to reclaim partial sanity. I remember lying on their couch with this beautiful little baby who was sleeping face down on my stomach, her head under my chin. She smelled like a newborn baby smells, that sweet mixture of baby lotion and newness, and her breathing was soft and steady. I couldn't believe that she felt safe with me...I was scared to close my eyes or even breathe for fear that she would fall off of me or break a bone...how in love I was with that baby!

Today, eight years later, I'm still infatuated with her. She is the smartest child her age that I know, too smart if you ask her mom or dad...it's hard being the parent of a kid that's so sharp she's usually one step ahead of you! But what I really love is her sense of humor. Nothing is EVER boring around her. She always looks for something to turn into a joke, and has such a quick wit that she keeps everyone on their toes...

For her 8th birthday (on November 8th) I took her out for a girl's night on the town. We got mani/pedis, went clothes shopping, and ended up at Cheeburger Cheeburger. It was a blast! I've been trying to really focus lately on blessings that God has given me. She is one of the biggest blessings in my life, and I thank God for giving her to us!

MANI/PEDI PICS

She was really interested in how they got everything ready...

Alahn soaking her feet...

I'm still not sure what she thought about the massage...

She picked neon green polish "because it matches Mommy's eyes..."

History-Both Made and Repeating...

MY GOODNESS!!! What history has been made last night! I find it interesting that at the same time history is being made, it is also repeating itself as people stand by and celebrate.

So much to say...I've said some of this to some of you that may read this already, so I apologize if you hear it twice...

First, let me say that my political views are dictated by the Bible. Many people believe these two things-politics and the Word of God-should be kept separate. Keep the Bible on your coffee table, by your bed, or on your bookshelf, to indicate that yours is a "Christian" household. Bring it with you on Sundays when you head to church. Even crack it open during the week for some encouraging devotional time. But when it comes to politics, what the Word of God says is often smothered under a bubble wrap of political correctness. If we see that what Jesus taught offends some people, then our voices falter and our opinions on right and wrong waiver. How interesting that not wanting people to get offended is usually all it takes to weaken the passion in a Christian.

Even though the Bible clearly states in the New Testament that homosexuality is a sin, Christians still voted for a leader who has backed giving rights to homosexual couples getting married (note: many say that the Bible cannot be trusted as a source on this because it is in the Levitical law that it condemns homosexuality, along with things like stoning for adultery, etc., and of course we don't stone for adultery now...however, when Jesus came, he set all Christians free from following the Mosaic law, then AFTER THAT homosexuality was reaffirmed as a sin). Gays and lesbians should, by all means, be loved with the love of Christ and welcomed into the church as a means to show them the path to Christianity. However, it is possible to love the sinner and condemn the sin. Many Christians go to either one extreme or the other on this. They either hate the sinner because of the sin and think gays shouldn't be allowed in church (while at the same time turning a blind eye to all the premarital heterosexual sex going on around them), or they refuse to condemn homosexuality as a sin, even though it is clearly stated as such in the Bible.

Even though the Bible clearly states that all life is sacred and that God formed us in the "secret place" and knew us before we were formed in our mother's womb, Christians still voted for a leader who has voted for late-term abortion. I can't even get into how any human can rationalize that one out...that's another blog entirely.

Even though the Bible clearly states that sexual immorality is destroying your body, which is the temple of God if you're a Christian, Christians still voted for a leader who has worked with the porn industry lobbyists to protect their "freedom" of speech on the internet; not just allowing the porn industry on the internet, but protecting their right to send out unasked-for pop-up ads.

So, there are those who do believe that while what the Bible says is all well-and-good for our individual, personal, private lives, we shouldn't lead a country based on it. I'm trying to make sense of how I should then have a relationship with Jesus if I were to believe that. How could I say to Him, "Well, I understand that Your wisdom and teachings are valuable enough for you to die for and that you commanded me to take up my cross also, every day, and follow You. You commanded me to learn Your word and follow it. However, I'd like to be led by somebody who doesn't agree with Your teachings." It makes NO SENSE to me.

How are there mega-churches with thousands of people celebrating the name of God in a loud, unified roar of praise, and yet the vote went the way that it did? How are there nation-wide revivals at huge Christian concerts and events, and yet the vote went the way that it did? There is a hugely sharp contrast, it appears, to what the Christian wants to get FROM God and what the Christian wants to keep God OUT of. When things go wrong in our country (9/11), we wonder where God was. Yet, we ask Him to please stay out of things like abortion and moral issues.

I think about the Israelites...God's named, chosen people. They went for generations with warnings and second chances, with God always restoring them, forgiving them, loving them, reviving them. Then, one day, God finally said, "Enough!" Israel was rejecting Him, blatantly and directly in the face of God, saying that His word was not something that needed to be followed. They worshiped the idols of their neighbors. They forgot the laws He had given them. They no longer taught it to their children, like God had commanded them to do. And when God finally removed His hand from them, the once-proud people found themselves invaded, torn apart, and forever changed as a consequence for turning from Him.

But that brings me to the other point. As Christians, we should be mindful of this history that is a part of our belief system, and we should be wary of repeating it. However, those who are not Christians don't have the Bible as their authority, and so they don't worry about anything like God removing His hand from our nation. They should, however, be mindful of history repeating itself from the last few centuries. Redistribution of wealth? SERIOUSLY??? Like I said last night, read Orwell's Animal Farm, people!!! This plan has proven, time and time again, to fail!

It is a MONUMENTALLY stale, idealistically naive tactic, promised in a Wizard-of-Ozish way to a nation full of people who obviously slept through their World History class! Behind a curtain of promises Obama can sit and deliver his speeches, but when the curtain is pulled back it will reveal, like it ALWAYS has before in history, nothing but a short-term procrastination band-aid fix to the economic problems.

I don't make a lot of money, but I don't want to accept the wealth of those who spent years of sweat, time, money, and sacrifice to invest in their future! Those who are wealthy earned it. (Okay, most of them. Granted, Paris Hilton has done very little...) Where is our pride? Are we really a nation who now wants to just sit back and take from those who have worked so hard to get to where they are? Does no one remember the bread lines that stretched forever in Russia? The family that risked their lives to escape communist Germany by sailing in a homemade hot-air balloon over the Berlin wall? Has anyone ever read The Giver? I don't ever want my children to be handed a free pass at receiving someone else's money. I want them to know the simple policy of work=reward. I WILL teach them that there is an issue of personal pride that comes from working hard, investing in yourself, and reaping the rewards later down the line.

Now, I am not cold-hearted. As a Christian, I do believe the Bible also commands us to help those less fortunate than us. But giving them a long-term planned free handout is not helping. It is enabling them to stay less fortunate than us for the rest of their lives. Remember the Chinese proverb that says, "give a man a fish, you feed him for a day; teach a man to fish, you feed him for life..." That is what we should be focusing on, and redistributing everyone's wealth is not the way to do it.

I am extremely proud to be a part of a nation that has finally overcome a huge racial obstacle, and I am aware that the fact that we have a President who is half African-American will be a wonderful motivator to those trying to make themselves better. I am proud to be alive during this history-making moment, and I will always remember where I was when they officially announced the next President of the United States. But I will also remember the look of sheer ecstasy from the roaring crowd on television waiting to hear Obama speak. And I will never understand.

1 Timothy 2:1-2 teaches that I should pray for those in authority over me. It doesn't say only if I agree with them/only if I voted for them/only if they can give me what I want. It simply says to pray for them. And I will...I will pray for Obama. I will pray for him to have wisdom. I will pray for him to realize that he cannot handle the monumental task of leading our nation without spending time on his knees before God asking for guidance. But with that prayer, I also am praying for the Christians of our nation. They, we, MUST take a stronger stance on what we proclaim to stand for. Upholding moral rights that are taught in the Bible must be our top priority...we must learn to desire a leader that wants, himself, to be led by the guidance of God.

What a Job!

There was a time in my life when I DREADED Sunday nights. The closer to bedtime it got, the worse my mood got. I hated it because it was a reminder that I was about to start another week of going to a meaningless job, sitting behind a desk, doing useless things. It wasn't a hard job, it paid well, they treated me nicely...but I absolutely HATED it because I knew it wasn't where I was supposed to be. This was not supposed to be my life, just punching that time clock over and over and over again.

I never thought, never DREAMED, that I would be in a place in my life where I would crave being at my job. But, and I give God ALL the glory for this, I have arrived at that place in my life. For the last four years that I have taught seniors at Calvary Academy, I've had a peace that only comes when you are doing what you know God has called you to do.

When I say I love my job, that's an understatement. I can't believe I get to do this, day after day. And it's because of 2 reasons: first, I love English, and I love to teach. As cocky as it may sound, I'm good at it. I can make the kids love Shakespeare, improve their grammar skills, and teach them to write better.

But it's the second reason that is such a blessing to me: the kids. I love my students. Not in a you-have-to-love-everybody-with-the-love-of-God kind of love...I really love them. They try so hard, day after day, to navigate a life filled with personal issues, school responsibilities, jobs, extra-curricular activities, and family demands.

I think about how I felt when I went through some severely trying personal issues, all while working a 50-hour a week job and taking a full college load. I remember thinking how unfair it was that I had to go through all that and that life wouldn't stop for me. I couldn't take time off from my job because I still needed to get paid. The college professors wouldn't excuse me from assignments or attendance, even though I had not one but TWO traumatic events going on at the same time in my life. I was still expected to keep going through life, keep showing up, keep performing well, and deal with everything on my own time.

I've thought about that a lot lately as I interact with these kids. They go through so much, and yet for the most part they are not excused from their responsibilities because of their personal issues. So many deal with parents fighting and/or divorcing, and the kids still have to show up and do well in classes, or it affects their transcript. There's no place on a college application to explain that the 1st semester D of 10th grade Biology happened because of a really hard time at home. When they break up with their boyfriend/girlfriend, there's no time of "mourning" that's allowed by their teachers. And many of them have to still see this person in the classroom and in the hallway! How hard would that be in our adult lives if we got a divorce and then had to come into contact with that person every day?

And then there's the pressure of the future. Did they do well enough in school for the right colleges to look at them? Are they performing well enough on the football field/basketball court/baseball team/cheerleading squad to actually stand out among everybody else that's competing for the same things? Their coach expects them to do their best and push themselves to the limit, even if they really need to be at home doing the Calculus homework they forgot about. Their teacher expects them to have everything finished for class, even if they were at practice really late the night before. And they don't have full control over their decisions yet, so they also have to answer to parents for what they do.

I know a lot of you reading this are adults that are far removed from those that are this age, and you may be rolling your eyes at the degree of sympathy that I feel for these kids. But I've got to tell you, I admire them. They do something EVERY DAY that impresses me. They come into my English class and do their work, learn the material, take the tests. But they also make me laugh, open up about their lives, ask advice, and in general they make me feel just about as blessed as someone could feel. I thank God for calling me to do this, and I thank my students for making it so easy to love my job and to love them.

The Legacy of Music

Last night at rehearsal, I got so overwhelmed by how sweet God was to give us all the gift of music. I love music. Music has always been a core part of who I am...my earliest memories of what my family WAS include music. It was always an understood, integral piece of our identity. In my mind, there were three major components that defined us: we were Christians...we loved laughter...and we had to have music.

When we were little, I would lie in bed as my mother played piano in the living room. She was the church pianist, and she would practice the music for the coming week. Her music was like my security blanket, and as I drifted off to sleep her music held me, covered me, reassured me that all was the way it was supposed to be. My dad, too, would play the guitar, sitting on a stool in our bedroom doorway at night. I would slide in and out of sleep, and the guitar was always there, my dad humming softly. Later, my sister and I learned that we loved singing together; we knew, only as sisters could, how to blend our voices together, harmonizing almost instinctively with each other. It was a common bond, something that to this day I share only with her.

My favorite memory of our family singing together is sharply bitter-sweet. During the last week of mom's life she was in Grace Home, a precious Hospite place that allows the dying to spend their last days in a beautiful environment with their family. During the first few days, she was completely coherent, alert, aware of everything. My dad, two sisters, and I would gather around her bed, and we would sing. Whatever anyone started, we would all join in - "Great Is Thy Faithfulness," "The Old Rugged Cross," "Amazing Grace," "It Is Well With My Soul" - all the hymns of her childhood that spoke of God's love, mercy, and faithfulness. That was so typical of my mom - even in her last hours, she wanted nothing more than for all of us to focus on loving and praising God. She had new favorites, too, and we would wait for her to start one and then we'd all join in: "Thank You," "Lord I Give You My Heart," "Your Grace Still Amazes Me," and "You Are My King."

God, in His indescribable sweetness, allowed her to stay alert enough to go to the dedication of the grounds of our new church building. We rode there from the Hospice Grace Home in an ambulance (she was so very excited, it was her first ambulance ride, and they put the sirens on just for her), and she was wheeled in on a hospital bed, clutching her Bible and smiling and waving at everybody. She was really relieved to have made it to the dedication, and I believe that's what had kept her going until that point. We planned the trip as if we were taking a major vacation...she got a new hat, picked out an outfit, and we planned her makeup, all from her Hospice room. And on what was the last day that she was awake and conscious, she worshiped God at church, in the middle of the steel framework of our new building. She watched as Jennifer, my sister, sang "I Know My Redeemer Lives," and tears streamed down my mother's face as she raised her hands to God, eyes closed, nodding in affirmation. Again, music built the memories that would forever stay with all of us.

For my mother, music was a gateway into the presence of God. Hours later, she slipped into a coma. A few nights later, the nurse that was monitoring us told us that my mother was taking her last breaths. We gathered around her bed, and my father held her hand. And as she breathed slower and slower, we began to sing. We sung "It Is Well With My Soul" and "Your Grace Still Amazes Me" because that's how she would have wanted it. She wanted God to be praised in all things, even in her death, and so we sang her into heaven, and we worshipped.

Not a Sunday goes by when I'm in our church building now that I don't think about my Mom. I think about where her hospital bed was on that Sunday morning. I think about my sister on the stage, singing her heart out as Mom was slipping away. And I wonder how people can come into the presence of God and choose not to worship. It makes me incredibly sad that there are people that come, and they are so focused on other things that they miss that connection with God!

To me, focusing on God with music is an indescribable privilege. I want to LIVE in those moments when the music is connecting me to my Father...that's as close to heaven on earth as I can get. And when I'm standing next to people I love - my dad, my sisters - and they're there with me, singing, harmonizing, WORSHIPPING - well, that's my version of heaven.

And I'm pretty sure that's how God intended "corporate worship" to be for all of us. So many times I wonder if we've disappointed the Spirit of God with our worship service. Does He wait in anticipation for us to open the doors of the sanctuary, hovering over the stage and the seats of the congregation, searching the hearts of those filing in for hearts filled with worship? Does He feel loved enough when we're done with the service? I hope He does...I feel so indebted to God for giving us this glorious gift of music. I don't want Him to ever feel like He's wasted it on us. I am grateful to my parents for the legacy they have left me and my sisters - what a gift they gave us, to teach us that in all things, we worship. In all things, we praise. In all things, we sing.

One True Love

Woo Hoo!!! This is my first post on our new blog!!!! This is dedicated to my one true love, Amy.(ranking only second to God) I cannot imagine what my life would be like if she had not been given to me when she was. I had been hurt and was determined to either hurt everyone I came in contact with or self destruct, whichever came first. Happiness was a state I don't think that I ever truly knew or even cared to. The ability to not really care about anything or anyone led to, in my opinion, a mild level of depression. I didn't like who I was and knew that other people felt the same way. I cannot even begin to explain how it feels to KNOW people don't like you. I couldn't understand why I felt that no one loved me. I mean come on, even my biological father gave me up because I interfered with his lifestyle and freedom. Being a dad now, I hate what he did and can NEVER understand how he did it. Little did I know what was in store for me at the most unproductive, misguided and loneliest times of my life. Welcome to the Post Amy Era! A smoking (literally, Marlboro reds) little blond that could destroy guys egos and pool swagger with a few fatal strokes of a cue stick. THIS was how God chose to save me??? I guess He really knew what He was doing. I can't begin to list or rehash all the ways that she has helped me become the man I am today. All I know is that without the gift of Amy, I really don't think that I would be anything worthwhile. She has helped me see how God sees me. She exudes love and demands respect and honor. More times than I care to remember, or even believe, I have disrespected and dishonored her. She still somehow loves me. This is how God loves me. He gave me Amy as a tangible, visual example of His grace. I don't deserve it. I'm sitting here now watching my favorite two ladies asleep in the recliner, snoring away. I don't think I will ever know how she does it, but at least I am blessed enough to get to revel in the mystery of this woman's love.

Funny Josh Stuff

Josh, the absolutely drop-dead cutie-pie in the pictures on the right, is ALWAYS entertaining. I'm sure all parents think their children are one-in-a-million when it comes to their personalities, and I'm no different. A thousand times a day I soak up things he does, things he says, and all the cute things that just make Josh Josh.

Last week, Josh was throwing a fit. He's three, there's nothing startling there. Our house rule is that if there's an irrestible urge to throw a fit, it must be done in the bathroom. As long as you're inside the four walls of the bathroom, anything goes. Scream, pitch a fit to your heart's content, throw yourself on your stomach and pound your little fists on the carpet 'till they turn red and scratchy. Whatever works for you, little one.

So, Josh was throwing a fit inside the bathroom. I was holding Kristyn, waiting for Josh to finish, and then...he broke the rule. He came outside of the bathroom and BROUGHT THE FIT WITH HIM. Big no-no. As he stood in front of me with his little fists clenched and the angriest face he could make (to let me know he was "weally weally mad"), a horrible thing happened: Kristyn looked at him, her little lip and chin quivered, and she started crying.

"Josh!" I said, talking loudly so I could be heard over the tantrum, "Kristyn is really scared! You're scaring her with your face and your voice - STOP IT NOW!" And then, in mid-tirade, he froze, looked at her, and instantly pasted the sweet smile of an angel on his face.

"Kwistyn," he said, in his sweet big brother voice, "it's okay. I'm not mad at you... (his eyes cut over to me) I'm mad at Mommy! It's HER fault."

Lovely.

DID I MENTION I HATE LAUNDRY

I hate doing laundry. If you know me, you know that my house is, most of the time, close to spotless. However, I HATE doing laundry. Not so much the actual washing/drying. I hate the folding/hanging up/putting up part. I need everyone to understand how much I despise it before you read this next part. I really, really hate it. Okay...

My husband has just finished his P90X workout (which was the subject of my very first blog, "Inspired"). He worked out 6 days of the week for 90 days, after the kids were asleep, for over an hour each night. He reached the end of his 90 days, and I'm SO PROUD of how he kept his goal of doing this for 90 days. He mentioned that it would be interesting to see what other goals we could accomplish for 90 days.

Which is where the laundry comes in. After some discussion (he says it's all my idea but I'm almost positive I was manipulated in some way) the plan is that I'll commit to doing one load of laundry a night. To some of you, this is no big deal. Some of you perfect, laundry-loving readers are exclaiming right now, "What? Amy, this shouldn't be a big deal...if you do a load every other day or so, the laundry never piles up! Why is this something you have to commit to? Why are you acting like you're signing away your life?"

And I say to you, shut up. I hate laundry. I'm fully aware that the smart thing to do would be to keep it going throughout the week and it would never pile up. I'm smart enough to grasp the concept of laundry physics. The thing is, I have great intentions as I put the clothes in the washer, still good intentions when they go into the dryer. But then, this INTENSE rationalizing-procrastonating evil persona takes over, and I leave them in the dryer. Or, on good days, they make it into a basket (on exceptional days when I've taken a chance and gotten half-caf at Starbucks they get laid out on the couch, but being the good nursing mom that I am, that's really rare). So, the clothes get crumpled, wrinkled, lost, and end up having to be rewashed. You understand the horrible laundry cycle that has me trapped.

So...the goal...I'm going to do a load of laundry a day. Kris kindly pointed out to me that if I do a load a day, eventually I'll run out of clothes. I kindly pointed out to him that with two kids that dirty up at least 2 outfits a day, towels, sheets, bibs, burp rags, blankies, etc. that I'm confident this goal's not going to suffer because of a lack of things to wash. I kindly pointed out some other things to him as well, but that's for another blog...

For Brody...

Dear Brody,

Right now, your mommy is giving birth to you. She is one of my closest friends, and when I look at your daddy and mommy I think about how lucky you're going to be! You are already coming into a home that is filled with so much that so many don't have...

For years your mommy and daddy have been falling more and more in love with each other - you should see how they put each other first - all their friends know that they come first in each others' lives. You are so blessed to have your mommy! She is the type of person that puts her entire soul into anything that she feels is worth doing - and I guarantee you she'll be putting all of her heart and soul into raising and loving you! Not only that, but you have a daddy that will make sure you are raised in a home full of laughter and love...how blessed are you!?!?!

However, the most important thing of all is that you are going to be raised in a home that has the presence of God in it. You will see parents that read the Bible together, and pray together. You will learn from them how to have a relationship with Jesus, and above all else, that is something I hope you never take for granted.

While your parents may make mistakes, there are two things that you should always cling to and treasure, for there are so many that don't have them: parents that will love you with a fierce, protective, unconditional love; and parents that are not leading and raising you on their own, but with the wisdom and guidance of their own Heavenly Father. Again - you are truly blessed.

Consequences

You would think that after a few years of teaching teenagers, nothing would or could shock me anymore. However, one of the beauties of this profession is that these precious children keep everything fresh-nothing old and boring in the world of 12th Grade English!!! Here's what I'm trying to figure out: at what point did it become the responsibility of the adult to cushion the life of the child to the degree that I'm seeing today? I don't mean that they don't need to be protected from danger, and they ABSOLUTELY need their innocence sheltered for as long as is possible...what I mean is that there seems to be this new trend that says if a consequence for an action HURTS them, then by golly let's find a new way to "teach" them a lesson. Don't let the precious children, in any way, suffer for their actions...let's, by all means, work around their schedule and find a consequence that works for them. They are, after all, the bosses...no, wait...

Okay, having two children, I know how hard it can be to punish them when they've done something wrong. I am constantly tempted to put off discipline because I'm tired and don't want to deal with it, or because I know they've already had a bad day, or because, honestly, they just won't like me very much once I hand out the consequence. And there have been times I've given in to that little voice that says, "just this once, let it go." And then I have to deal with my own set of consequences, which revolve around having to then regain the respect of my child as an authority figure. Not a pretty cycle.

However, I regroup, and as a general rule, my child does something wrong, I punish. Why? Because, obviously, I want to prevent future problems, and I hope the punishment will not make them repeat their offense. But also it goes deeper than that. I want to make them understand that the CHOICES they make now will HAVE CONSEQUENCES!!! And not consequences that fit their terms, but consequences that the world hands out to them based simply on their actions!

Tardiness equals getting fired from a job, not spending wisely equals financial troubles, sex equals pregnancy/STDs - these are not consequences where someone can come in and say, "oh, this doesn't work for you? how can I fix it where you like it better? what can I do to make you happy?" THE WORLD WILL NOT REVOLVE AROUND THEM...and yet, in school it seems like that is what they expect -

I didn't study so can you postpone the test? I got caught cheating, so can I just redo the test? I can't make it to detention tomorrow, but Thursday's good for me, so I'll see you then, Mrs. Ricketts... SERIOUSLY??? REALLY???

When did it get like that? My parents barely asked my opinion about where we were going out to eat on Sundays, much less how I'd like to be punished! My principal at my school didn't even talk to the students when they got into trouble, he simply looked at the discipline chart in the handbook, and then handed out the pre-set punishment.

I just think that the harm we are doing to them goes so much deeper than we realize when we consistently fail to discipline for harmful actions. When they try to negotiate with future bosses, agencies, companies, and society forces in general about the consequences they'd like to receive, they are going to hit a brick wall running, and then they will look back and blame us for the disservice we did to them. And that will be OUR consequence...

Inspired

Right now I'm relaxing with the laptop in my...um...lap, and Kris is in the back working out. This is a nightly thing - I collapse, exhausted, and eat something with my feet up in the recliner, praying the whole time Kristyn is in a deep sleep in her crib. Meanwhile, faint sounds of weights clanking and joints popping drift up from our bedroom in the back of the house. I can hear it whenever there's a lull of sound from whatever tv show I'm watching at the time. You'd think I'd feel a little bit of guilt that my husband is in there, at the end of the day, pushing himself to the limit all of the sake of improving his health, his body, his spirit, and here I am trying to figure out how to fit the remote, cell phone, glass of chocolate milk, and bowl of snack food all on the arms of the recliner so I don't have to move. You'd think I'd feel guilty. And honestly, I did at first, when he first started his 90-day plan. But then I realized that most nights I'm up at least twice, sometimes 4 or 5 times, pushing my own body to the limit by nursing, rocking, patting, singing, begging, and praying for sleep. I think that right now I'm still in survival mode. I can't focus on trying to exercise or organize-I have to focus on not passing out while teaching class; I have to focus on Josh when he asks me, in his precious 3-year old husky voice, to "wisten to the song that I'm singin just ONE mowuh time pleeeeeeease."

So...I don't feel guilty anymore. But I do feel inspired-almost EVERY night Kris picks up Josh from preschool, comes home, and if he's home before me, fixes the whole supper. Then he helps with the kids the rest of the night, gives Josh a bath, and does housework, laundry, etc. And then-this is where I would FLAKE OUT-although he's mentally and physically EXHAUSTED-he changes, goes into the bedroom, and does his P90X hour - hour 1/2 workout. Every day. For 90 days. While I'm not in any way inspired to go in there and join him, this has changed my perspective on so much else in my life. It's just something that stays with me as I go throughout my day, that I am part of a team that excels at what we do. His success at this has reinforced for me something that he and I have marvelled at for years - God knew there was something special about the two of us as a team, and we shouldn't ever take that for granted. And, believe me, we've been through enough where we don't EVER take that for granted. Together, we have managed to battle severe marital troubles that would have blown up most marriages, and come out on top. We have conquered the sleepless nights of two infants, the terrible twos of a VERY male little boy, and oh-so-much-more. We have, hand-in-hand, dealt with packing & unpacking several homes, making and losing money, starting and quitting jobs, college classes, all-nighters, hospital stays, pregnancies, miscarriages, and oh-so-much-more. We have quit smoking together. We have grieved over the devastating loss of my mother together. And oh-so-much-more. We are the only two people who truly understand each other, and it is in a way I never would have thought possible unless I believed in the divine power of someone who matches couples together from His throne above.

As I go throughout my day, I think about how I'm married to a man who has the strength to do what he's been doing. It inspires me to keep going during this time in my life when I feel like I can't take another step or breathe another breath without collapsing. I know Kris wouldn't have been able to do everything so far alone, without me. And I am positive, beyond any doubt, that I never would be where I am today without him. God gave us to each other because He knew what we could be together-and tonight, I'm perfectly content to let my part of it be here in the recliner with my cell phone, remote, and bowl of Coco Puffs while he's sweating away enough for the two of us.